Coming Out to Parents
Coming out to your parents can be unpredictable, but enough of us have done it to map out the minefield.
The most common reaction is to blame themselves. They desperately search the past for any action that could've caused this because they don't understand. Sometimes it gets so ridiculous Mom is pointing the finger at Dad and Dad is screaming about Mom pampering you needlessly. One of them will eventually bring up breast feeding or not breast feeding, potty training too late- it all gets examined when the news is announced. It's normal for them to walk this path - let them and know you're okay no matter what. They just didn't have a clue and now you've dropped the ultimate bombshell and it shakes their foundation because it turns out they didn't know you or so they think. That is scary stuff for parents.
Now that the news is sinking in so is the fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the future - yours and theirs. All parents have pretty firm expectations of how your life should turn out. They expected marriage and grandchildren and right now they don't see that as possible. They literally grieve their dreams for you. There can be a real process of mourning for what could have been.
And next in line...
What will everybody think? At church? At the office or the country club?
Again fear is normal and given time most work through it.
If your parents are ultra religious, they may try to save you from yourself. They may believe that you've been corrupted by others and this isn't who you really are. If only you would go to bible camp and receive intensive instruction. You can try to explain to them that you were born gay and just like you can't make your brown eyes blue by praying - there's no reversing this.
For further help, please contact your local chapter of P.F.L.A.G.
The most common reaction is to blame themselves. They desperately search the past for any action that could've caused this because they don't understand. Sometimes it gets so ridiculous Mom is pointing the finger at Dad and Dad is screaming about Mom pampering you needlessly. One of them will eventually bring up breast feeding or not breast feeding, potty training too late- it all gets examined when the news is announced. It's normal for them to walk this path - let them and know you're okay no matter what. They just didn't have a clue and now you've dropped the ultimate bombshell and it shakes their foundation because it turns out they didn't know you or so they think. That is scary stuff for parents.
Now that the news is sinking in so is the fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the future - yours and theirs. All parents have pretty firm expectations of how your life should turn out. They expected marriage and grandchildren and right now they don't see that as possible. They literally grieve their dreams for you. There can be a real process of mourning for what could have been.
And next in line...
What will everybody think? At church? At the office or the country club?
Again fear is normal and given time most work through it.
If your parents are ultra religious, they may try to save you from yourself. They may believe that you've been corrupted by others and this isn't who you really are. If only you would go to bible camp and receive intensive instruction. You can try to explain to them that you were born gay and just like you can't make your brown eyes blue by praying - there's no reversing this.
For further help, please contact your local chapter of P.F.L.A.G.
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