Coming Out 101 - Part IV - Timing is Everything
Based on a lot of the feedback I've gotten along with reading some of your blogs, the decision of when to come out seems to rank right up there with whether to come out at all.
Unfortunately, there's not a one size fits all answer for that other than the obvious.
When what you present to the world isn't who you are, it is unavoidable that you will become less and less comfortable within your own skin. Notice I didn't say it was probable - there is no workaround - it is unavoidable although it will vary in degrees of despair.
You may bullshit yourself into thinking it's because you're gay and that's why you feel crappy and conflicted, but the truth is it doesn't matter if you're gay or not as orientation is not the fundamental issue. Smoke and mirrors, my friend.
If you choose to defy the core of your very essence by essentially living a lie whether that be an inflated resume, grades, salary, childhood, insert any bogus accomplishment or drama here then you are not living authentically.
And if you think being real and authenticity matters not, carry on brave soldier and have a beer on me - eventually you'll self medicate with food, drugs, booze and the bars or sex to numb out the self sabotage and loathing. It will come, be it in days, weeks, months or years, but it will come on some level. It may present itself with constant career changes or an inability to be monogamous or a hundred other dysfunctional missteps.
Let me be clear, nobody should ever force you out of the closet. You may live a fairly easy existence until the day you die, hiding the truth of who are to all but a few. And if you can do that and have peace of mind then that may be the proper path for you.
Being gay is not a violation of conscience,. Let your ethics drive your decisions, but don't let that icky feeling convince you it's the orientation that's making you feel lousy about yourself because it is always the lie and never the love.
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timing is key but also a really difficult decision. if you are not in danger physically, or financially my suggestion is to just do it and get it over with you will feel better and the other person can begin adjusting and learning to deal with it. many times people are so scared and the other person is like ok no problem and you thought it would be such a big deal.
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I agree. Personal safety is a no brainer.
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