Does Being Gay Define You?
I must apologize for my recent lack of attention regarding this blog and its sister site Coming Out 101.
I have been attempting to get a major company off the ground for the better part of a year. The emotional roller coaster of seeing it near fruition to landing back on square one repeatedly has made me question more than once why I am still nicotine free. But there are already other fishies biting and when it's right it will happen. The idea is too unique and huge with so much revenue upside that it has to and soon the perfect person will waltz into my life like they've been there all along and we'll get this done.
What the past few weeks has brought to my attention now that I have an emotional breather to think is being a lesbian is not at the top of my identifier list - it doesn't define who I am. It got me to thinking did it ever?
Yes, it did.
Early on before I was out and shortly thereafter it was of supreme importance. So much energy is spent on potential coming out outcomes that of course one is consumed with their own orientation. Hell, just figuring out that you're gay for some is a long, arduous journey.
When I hung out in the bars, I was keenly aware of my orientation. Well, I don't do that anymore.
Listen, don't get me wrong. It's not like I woke up one day and got some sort of weird gay amnesia. I know who I am. Believe me, every time I see Angelina Jolie I know who I am. My point is if someone asked for a list that would describe me, lesbian would not be at the top - spiritual being would be. Seeing myself as connected to the Source of all things is what defines me. Orientation, career, even friends and family is secondary to that knowing because without It, none of the rest matters.
So when you see me going off on other topics reminding our community that there are other important humanitarian issues out there, it's because of that deep connective state. If you meditate daily, it becomes more and more difficult to see the world from a tiny perspective of one. There is no one individual. There is no separation. There is no us versus them.
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Hey congratulations on your upcoming project! Great question. As a straight woman I don't think about it at all. I define myself as a mother, woman, daughter, procrastinator, horribly disorganized but caring individual but I don't list my sexuality at all, never thought to. One more thing straight people take for granted I am sure.
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id say my spiritual sense and activism defines me most however sexuality does play a pretty big role in my life as it makes me unique.
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FYI: I appreciate both of you so much. You have never failed to keep coming back and it does not go unnoticed. I will try to be more attentive to give you and others something to come back for. Either one of you know a really good programmer?
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This is a compelling question and one I was pondering just yesterday. My sexuality does not define me first. At work, I am a manager and a leader. At home, I am a mother, a lover, a life partner, and a friend. With my grandmother, I was a granddaughter first. It changes all the time for me.
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Donna,
That is exactly right. I couldn't have said it better.
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